so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
