I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
