i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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