Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
