Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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