Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
