It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
