nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
