So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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