Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
