You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
