marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found the puke drawer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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