Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
