Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
