Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
