I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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