In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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