Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Randomize
