Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sarcasm needs its own font
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
