I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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