I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
