Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
