When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
