okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
