Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
