my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
