I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
