Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
