Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
