you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
