U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
