I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
