The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
