Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
