I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
