if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
