The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
