Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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