4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
