Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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