Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
