I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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