before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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