That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
