so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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