you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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