You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
