Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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