sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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