i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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