You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
